Aequa – Chapter One edited

Edited by Sk8 and Allera

This is a globe. What, this is the Globe? The entire world? Wow. What am I supposed to do with this?

-space-It’s like looking at the night sky. Every single one of these little stars are people? Oh, not just people, animals and plants too.

So you’re saying I can do whatever I like? So I can take that entire city and… Wow! Did you see that? It just went whoosh… underwater.

Awww… What happened? All those stars disappeared. Yes, I know there are still lots more, but where did all of those go? It was like somebody dropped a great big blanket over them.

So I can do that with anything I like? What about… um… putting those back together? You see, that bit fits under that bit. And… there we go. Cool!

They died? That was like thousands of people. Alright, thousands of living things, but still. What could… Wait. That was an ocean. An entire ocean full of ships, gone. And what are those?

Hurricanes? I pushed two continents back together and I get hurricanes? I didn’t make anything spin. Consequences? But how… Oh. I guess that means I should stop playing with continents.

What are you doing? They say you’re all about mercy and love, but you let all of those people die. And all those typhoons and tsunamis will kill even more people. How can you let that happen?

Hmm… What can I do next? I can mess with creatures as well? Cool. I want dragons! Dragons! Wha… Oh… I have to make them. Well, what about those things? Okay, they’ve got to be bigger. Lots bigger.

What good are four people going to do against him? He’s going crazy. You see there? How will the ecosystems support those? How do those even exist?

I like catgirls. Let’s make them really cute. Perfect. You see those ears? And she has to have a tail. Cool! An entire race of catgirls! Okay, okay, catpeople. But the girls are still hot.

Gods? Oh yeah, that’s going to work. He’ll just snuff them out like that city earlier. Me? What do you mean me?

Fly! Come on, fly! Oh. Magic. They’re supposed to be half-bird, not Peter Pan fairies. If I make them aerodynamic, they won’t be… Haha! Look! Bats!

Just those four? What’s the point of just four of them? Why don’t I do that for an legion of people?

No, I’m not going to change them. They’re awesome enough. Superpowers for everybody! You have telekinesis, you get lightning bolts!

Oh… I see. He can’t keep it up forever, so that’s when we spring them on him. What? Just him? What does she do? Her? It… Him? You know, it’s so infuriating when you have everything planned out like that. You should tell people. I know they never listen to prophets, so why not a giant PA system? Oh. Babel fish.

Sk8: All…right, so this first section totally has me lost – I get the feel of a little kid playing with his toys and slowly coming to realize his power over them – the ability to destroy and create, yet still with a sense of childlike behavior, with a twist of teen in there with the cute neko girls.

I almost think you could lead up to this discussion – maybe describe the scene instead of just starting off with the “globe” – I dunno though, maybe someone else could better explain their grasp of this opening.

Allera: I agree with Sk8, I’m completely lost here. I kind of get the gist of what’s going on, but descriptives would help. So the unknown god it having a conversation simultaneously yet separately with both Seth and Morana? Having an opening scene would help. I think it would also help to split the dialogue. This might be too confusing to grasp if you don’t split it up for the reader and/or have the narrator give some direction.